SINGLE ? WANNA KNOW WHY ?

Some weeks ago, i was reading some of the chat messages between my cousin and I, and I couldn’t help but laugh the whole day. It’s not like we talk about a lot of funny things (though we do) but I realized we teach other in many hilarious ways. I came across a message she sent asking if I got someone already and I said ‘No’, and along the way she told me I know why I don’t have anyone in my life yet. And I was like ‘huh’ not sure dear; I just believe I am not ready for a relationship just yet. But generally, do you think we’re ever ready enough for a relationship? I don’t think so because there is a side of every human that is unveiled only when you’re in a relationship. When you’re single, you believe you conquered insecurity, once you get into a relationship you realize you don’t want to see anyone hanging around your partner.  Everyone has their reason why they are not in a relationship and I am not attempting to get into anyone’s mind to know why they are not in a relationship but I will like to outline some possible reasons why you are not in a romantic relationship. Remember not to feel embarrassed or out of place because you’re not in a relationship, it’s not a race after all. Relax because you’re blessed in every way possible.

You’re too choosy: Being choosy is not a bad idea because it’s mildly said as having standards. But there is a level where standards get, that now seems like every person you meet has a problem. You complain virtually about everything about everyone that comes your way. Some guys say things like ‘she’s short and thin’ and the girls say things like ‘he’s boring and doesn’t even have style’. These may be very wonderful people to be with but because we rejected them at first glance, everything  about them is followed by  the impression we have. Because we set our minds on the ‘must-have’ qualities, we miss out on the ‘could have’ qualities.  As much as it’s fun (sometimes) playing hard to get, you could also get to know them in many possible ways. Note that there’s a difference between standards and being too choosy or picky; know when to draw a line between the two. It’s no doubt that he has to be a born again Christian who is teacheable  and committed but when you assume they don’t fit your kind,you’re making yourself appear better and too good for all the men that come your way and vice-versa. Try hanging out with someone who isn’t absolutely perfect on the first glance in doing so you just might end up clicking better than with a dream ‘Prince Charming’.

You are too considerate: Do I sound contradictory here? Nope! As much as we have to get to know people somehow to take a stand, you don’t hop into believing every guy or girl is ‘the one’. At times being too considerate turns out so bad and we know at the end of it all there will be tears shed. In this case, you have set the standards too low. You don’t even filter because everybody appears to be ‘okay’. It ends up you want to be in a relationship, red flags you ignore, green flags as well as other flags are totally ignored because ‘you just want to be in a relationship’. Now I will have to say ‘get some standards’, yea, you need it. This may not sound familiar to you but people like this have something they’re fighting inwardly which we will see in our next point.

You have issues from your past: Maybe you grew up in a not so friendly home; maybe you were abused, neglected or treated as unworthy (Past romances that failed are not left out). Believing a relationship will make you feel loved or worthy is not what you need. Give yourself time to grow in the knowledge of who you are in Christ. Find your worth in the One who called you worthy since the foundation of the world and showed it by dying on the cross for you. He says you are more valuable than any treasure in this world. Jesus alone is the perfect restorer; only in resting in His love for you will you be healed from any past trauma, abuse, neglect or bad decisions. Relationships built on insecurity never succeed, they have faulty foundations and will eventually fail and great will be the ruin of such relationships. Some guy in your past didn’t deem you worthy, no probs, another cometh that sees you are his blessing. Jjust let Jesus be the image you see when you look at yourself in the mirror.

You are too focus on a particular picture you have in mind: Our younger sisters call it a crush but it goes beyond a crush. I will approach this point from two perspectives. Either there is a particular man you so desire to be with (who may be or may not be in a relationship with you) that you feel stuck to and you don’t see yourself wanting any relationship with any other. Even if this relationship is not healthy, you’re telling yourself it will work. Some times you’re just loving the person from a distance and you’re lying to yourself that ‘by faith’ they will become your partner. Let go and be free, if you love that person as much you’ll let them make their choices even if it will make you cry. They may not love you as much you deserve to be loved and they may not desire to be with you as much as you want and so hurt is inevitable. The second part of this point is, there are times when we get carried away by the love shared by a couple we know, it may be our parents, ministers, siblings, friends etc. These people may be in wonderful relationships and because you admire them you start desiring to find someone of the same caliber. You see yourself being with your partner exactly as these couples you admire. Sorry to disappoint you, no two people are the same. Wipe off that picture and trust God to lead you to a partner or spouse who will make you happy all your life. No matter your differences you will be happy with them because you allowed yourself to be led by the Holy Spirit.

It’s all working for your good: Everyone wants to know there’s a time that is God’s time for you to be married. Technically, as you grow in your relationship with God, a lot of things fall in their rightful place. I don’t mean you saying ‘Amen’ in church on Sunday and you wait for the next Sunday to come and shout ‘Amen’ again. I am talking of a life committed to understand the Gospel through Bible study, worship and prayer. You do many things to tell a lot of people about the love of Jesus Christ. You become committed in the things of God; your relationship with God should not be defined by your relationship status or some bargain. A lot of singles try to do what I will call a ‘bargain’ with God; they tell God if I marry, my children will become pastors and I will serve you my whole life. That’s debasing, you don’t use you desires to debase the might of God. No! He has done more than give you a spouse, He has given you everything your spirit, soul and body will ever have need of but because your focus is on the immediate your act like it’s the ultimate.

I may not have given your reason why you’re single but remember God is the perfect giver. He gives unconditionally and doesn’t hold back anything. Don’t go looking for what is expected to last in the wrong places because you feel desperate. Some people may say they are not financially stable enough to be in a relationship. In trusting, you become more assured and confident because of the integrity of His Word. God is His Word and never think for once that He doesn’t have your good in mind. He has given His best to you and has blessed you abundantly, beyond mortal vision. Eat healthy, do exercises, drink enough water and sleep well because all these contribute to being a healthy person. Remember healthy people are attractive people and size doesn’t matter because you have just one body your whole life and so take good care of it.

You’re blessed!!!