MATURITY VIS-A-VIS MARRIAGE

As a single person, you have quite a number of expectations about the person you hope to marry. At times, the silliest kind of thoughts come to your mind. We do not only become anxious about it, we tend to imagine that the person is perfect. Well, i am not here to disappoint you but please always remember that the person is just as flawed as you. They have fears and insecurities, they have habits they want to break, they may also be weak in more areas than you anticipated. This is when maturity sets in ; how do you  walk with them as they fight these fears, insecurities or as they try to break these habits. Maturity is an absolute necessity for marriage ; i must say. It has nothing to do with age or size. Yes, we all want to share our lives with someone, we want to love and care for them in a special way but what does it take to have a successful marriage ? Divorce is rampant nowadays or there are many married people just living together maybe for the sake of their kids. Others have resorted to very cheap and demeaning behaviors because of what they call ‘frustration’ in marriage. If you look at it keenly, they left a chunk of important things unchecked ! These are five areas of maturity  that i believe should be checked before marriage.

SPIRITUAL MATURITY : In Amos 3 :3 we see that two people can not work together unless they agree. Spiritually you must both be born again and given wholly to the Word of God ! An ardent believer in Jesus cannot marry and unbeliever because their priorities don’t match. Christians from time to time take the risk but it always turns out disappointing. They find themselves blaming God for letting them go ahead with such a marriage. You don’t gamble with decisions regarding your future as a believer. You have the Holy Spirit in you is giving you confirmations of what the Father has said about your life. Any decision you want to take start with God and deny to let your senses decide for you. Before marriage could develop there must be a spiritual bond . Mind you, i’m not talking about social media ‘believer-hood’. On social media everyone is a born again for several reasons and so watch out for social media christianity. I mean you both fellowship in a church/ministry, you both have personal times given to prayer and Bible study, even when you talk Christ is most what you talk about. Encourage one another with the Gospel and talk about your challenges and strengths. The spiritual aspect of marriage comes first for any believer (Psalm 127 :1).

PHYSICAL MATURITY : There's an old saying in my language which can be paraphrased as "A child cannot give birth to a child". A child cannot get married but in some cultures they do which is unacceptable. Their physically their bodies have not developped to take certain conditions. Some physical changes have not taken place creating room for growth in an adult way.

MENTAL MATURITY : The bible says in 1 Corinthians 13 :11(NIV), When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. Yes, there comes a time when you keep aside all those things you did immaturely like a child and be a man or woman. Remember, i said age or muscular bodies, or grey hair has nothing to do with this. There are people with these physical qualities who talk and reason like babies. Children are selfish and always expect reward when they do something for you. They are always indecisive and so others often decide for them. They speak without thinking and can hardly be discreet. Children always expect to be right even when they go wrong ! Another silent characteristic of children is that , they always want life to revolve around them. These are various character traits that we find in some adults and you realise that these people rarely take responsibilities for their actions. If you meet someone with these child-like characteristics be watchful because you just might be hanging out with a man-child.

SOCIAL MATURITY : Some people are introverts and they will say they are not good at interacting with people. Some people behave badly when they meet people they don’t know. Some are proud, others are seeking to be noticed just the wrong, while others can’t stop flirting with just anyone. Some men discuss immoral topics with their female colleagues/friends, while some women think showing their bare thighs or breasts will make men fall for them and love them. Outside the church ‘house’ our character is sometimes a great contrast compared to that all ‘holy’ sister or brother. Some are not only unkind to the needy but very rude to them ; if you don’t want to help, pass peacefully and quietly. Some people cannot greet their neighbors or colleagues at work. Some people go as far as partaking in senseless gossip to make another person feel low(2 Timothy 2:16) ! These are our Christian folks and in church we all want to point people to Christ. When you meet such a person tell them what they are doing wrong and also pray for them to do what is right.

FINANCIAL MATURITY: This has nothing at all to do with huge and foreign bank accounts but how responsible they are with money. Everyone spends their money on something they feel is important to them and sometimes those things may not be a necessity or of any importance to you and yet they spend money their on it. You are not marrying someone to dictate how they spend their money but families have ended up in huge debts and even losing so much because of money poorly managed. While some men gamble with their money, some women are shopping their brains out. I am not against shopping but becoming a shopaholic needs some redressing. At times they are not shopping for the right reasons; simply to show off amongst their peers and yet they have house rents and other bills to pay. Some Christians don’t give for the spread of the Gospel but they have lots of things they keep buying  which they don’t necessarily have need of. Some people don’t have a paying job and yet they don’t want to get one ‘we are under grace, things come to us and not the other way round’ they say to themselves. Some move from job to job all in the name of looking for a better job. They are not stable and they do not seem to realize that employers don’t want unstable and unserious people.

I am not trying to condemn or criticize anyone but it is important to note that the kind of priorities you set for yourself will determine how you will carry on with life. You need to come to that place where you put minor in the minor and major where it's top priority. That alone in itself will determine how successful or unsuccessful you turn out. Grow up, be real with life. Forget about thinking and not doing, start doing. Be focused as a man, remember you will head a home and as a woman you will co-head with your husband. Be hospitable even to strangers (Genesis 24: 16-24); be firm, hardworking and ever ready to learn. Be friendly and smile always, relax and be you. Be willing to help where need arises and do it gladly. It’s mature too!!!

You Are Blessed in Jesus Name!!!