Yesterday we started treating part 1 of this issues and it continues from here.
Fears and Insecurities:
We all have fears at some point in life but some people do not only have fears,
they have intense phobia for one thing or another. I used to be very afraid of death and robbery;
until I experienced an attack from armed robbers at work and I lost my dad
before I understood what it was like to trust in God. Discuss your fears and
devise ways to fight them together. Some people have a phobia for failure, and
it makes them skeptical about everything and even everyone around them. Pray
and seek counsel in extreme cases.
Idea of Marriage:
Ask them what they think about marriage, how they look at it, the roles they
expect to play in marriage. See, if they are speaking from how they viewed
theirs parents’ marriage or a mentor/spiritual leader’s marriage. Take note if
their ideas go with biblical views of marriage and remember that cultures and
up-bringing differ thus making us see marriage from different perspectives but
our views .
Financial Situation:
This again has absolutely nothing to do with fat bank accounts and all that.
Find out if they have debts, loans etc. How do they plan to pay them, for how
long, and is their present financial situation stable despite these? Are they
wasteful or shrewd with money? Do they gamble? Will you cope if you become part
of their lives? It’s not for you to judge or misjudge them but to support them
and seek a solution.
Communication when Angry: This
is absolutely important. Some people are wild (pardon my language) when they
are angry. They may become abusive and violent and others break things and say
a lot of words that cannot be taken back after that. Other people do worse
things. Can you cope with such a person? Can you deal with that anger or should
you seek help? Are they making efforts towards the situation or are they stuck
unto the belief that, that is how they were made?
Weaknesses: There
is no perfect person, no doubt but some people’s weaknesses make you want to
leave more than you want to be with them. You are not marrying a perfect human
being and if he is, you are not so perfect and imperfect wouldn’t match. Ask
yourself if you can tolerate these weaknesses all your life or if you will stay
and endure that side of them. What if they never change? Never get into a
marriage hoping someone will change because if the person doesn’t change, you
will likely be frustrated.
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