Many days girls sit together and talk about the future; they talk about
jobs, marriage, and many other things. Marriage especially appears on everyday
agenda. They talk about things like; “I will love to marry a handsome, caring,
loving and God-fearing man”. “I would like to marry a pastor” inter alia.
Those are quite beautiful thoughts for the future but what about you? Are you
that caring, loving, God-fearing woman? Or, are you living more in your
imaginary world than in the physical world? As singles we shouldn’t just build
castles in the air, we should be more involved and face the reality of our
world. Below are 10 little things you should know and remember before you get
into marriage.
You should learn to be
discreet with information. As girls the moment
our fiancé promises us something good we rush to our besties to give the news.
And when we do, we start putting pressure on the guy to fulfill his promise as
a way to express his love for us. Mind you, if another thing shows up and he postpones
it, we take him to the “court of friends” for analysis and judgments. We have
to grow up; we have to keep important information especially about our
spouses/fiancés. You don’t bring them for your friends to either judge or
misjudge their intentions. Men are not left out, sometimes ladies are offended
when they tell you something and one day your friends talk about it publicly,
we get hurt because it wasn’t meant for the public. We should never underestimate the
weight of any information you give to your buddies and besties.
You should
bear in mind that your fiancé(e) is different from you. Yes, this is of
utmost importance. You are not marrying a perfect man; he’s someone who has
been redeemed by God as well. His background is different from yours; some
things may be a taboo in your family and may not be offensive at all in his
family, you have been raised in different cultures, religious backgrounds and
communities. etc. Your habits are totally different; you are of different
genders i.e. female and male; the former is very sensitive the latter is strong
and firm. You two will always differ in some things and these differences
shouldn’t cause fights but unity. You should accept one another as they are
without attempting to change their beliefs and style to suit yours. with time some things will eventually without much hesitation.
You will
share your home together. It sounds easy
but it is very difficult to share your home with someone. I will tell you why.
You may either be a very organized person who has an account of where you have
arranged your things; you don’t strain to find anything when you are alone. And
then you marry someone who is not as organized as you, you will have a lot of
problems when you are unable to lay hands on some of your things. It’s worse
when you don’t find your things in the best shape possible, you might scream
and call your spouse names. Remember you have unique ways of expression at different times. Extend grace to one another and be
kind enough to tell them their faults nicely and look for ways to help without
necessarily insulting them. Don’t change because of what is happening,
keep doing the right thing and gradually you’ll see change.
Your spouse’s
happiness should count more than yours. I know a song
about this concept “…the way to be happy is to make someone happy, and you find
a little heaven down here”. I believe it’s true! When I feel sad I run to a
close companion and crack a joke and when we both laugh I feel relieved, we can
do same in marriage by always making it a priority to make our spouses laugh
when they feel under pressure. Though difficult but it’s not impossible to make
your spouse happy always, remember the joy of the Lord is your strength.
You will
often be tempted to see your spouse’s faults more than yours. We tend to
criticize people whose faults we are able to see than ours. Know why? Because
their area of weakness is not your area of weakness and this gives room for
criticism. It's the same in marriage; we criticize those who have hurt us
forgetting at times that it takes two to tango. If your husband talks to you
rudely and you respond in like manner you will fight right there until you have
run out of insults but if you respond quietly and politely especially trying
not to be bias, it will end in reconciliation and peace. It won’t always be
easy but rely solely on the Holy Spirit to manifest his fruits of peace in and
through you in times of tension.
This is the first part of this post, the second part will come up
soonest!!!
You're blessed!!!
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